#MoodyMondays - How I Build Self-Confidence: Winning Myself Back
Hey good people and welcome back to my blog. I can’t even say it’s been a minute…it has been a LONG time. I’m re-introducing my blog with this topic because it’s so relevant to my absence. As a person who suffers from depression amongst other things, it’s really hard to pull yourself out of your negative mindset sometimes. One day I can feel on top of the world and others I feel like hiding in my bed for the rest of eternity. If you experience these setbacks, you can find yourself in a hole for a few hours to a few days or even weeks. This can put a huge weight on your confidence and make you doubt yourself. As an influencer, it’s important for me to bring a certain amount of energy in order to create engaging content. Since I’m my own boss, my mind is my greatest asset. So it’s important for me to take care of it as best as I can.
There is no how-to for building confidence; it varies with each individual. I’m definitely no expert or guru on the subject because well, it’s a continuous fight for me as well. Many think I embody confidence when in actuality I struggle with many insecurities and false beliefs about myself. For many of us it started with comparing ourselves to super models, celebrities on magazine covers and anything the media deemed as beautiful and successful. Thanks to social media, all of this is pumped on steroids and mixed into a lovely dangerous cocktail. And we all became alcoholics for this depressant. It felt good at the time but in the end made us feel ugly, not good enough and maybe a little worthless. While watching pretty people be pretty, they’re also doing awesome things which is an easy way to think lesser of ourselves. It’s not impossible to reverse these insecurities that has been marinated into our minds for so long. If you’re willing and able, some mental rehab and detoxes is bound to help you build a stronger sense of self.
3 Ways I’m Regaining and Maintaining Confidence:
Breaking up with social media
Now this is what every influencer tries to avoid but trust me on this. I can’t break up with it completely but setting some strong boundaries and limiting my time on it helps a ton. I fall victim to comparing myself to stunning women on my explore page and to the ones I follow. If not them, I’m comparing myself to my peers who are accomplishing their goals and have an awesome life whilst going on cool vacations. Setting myself up to feel like shit is not a good way to feel better about myself. Until I learn how to not compare myself to everyone, I’ll have to remove or limit my time on social media.
Remember when I said people think I embody confidence? It goes both ways. I think everyone is better and prettier than me but the truth is they’re not. Social media is designed to show off the best of what’s happening in your life. You show off your best moments and your best selfies like everyone else. I never appreciated the competition but I only felt that way because I saw it as a competition. Staying true to yourself is key here and I know now that I don’t have to partake in this game of “Who Has the Best Life?” because nobody does. Nobody is perfect therefore nobody’s lives, relationships or situations are perfect either.
Identifying my insecurities
This is where I like to journal about all my negative thoughts and let out my frustrations. Once I’ve wrote them out, yelled them out or talked it out with someone, I acknowledge their existence and sit with them. How I feel about myself often dictates what I think of myself as well. Ever since I’ve limited my time on social media, I’ve had a lot of time alone with all of my thoughts and emotions. This is where I collect the Car Fax. I try to remember how confident I was before social media and recall what brought about these insecurities. Once I’ve identified them all, I collect evidence that proves whether they’re true or false. I can feel like a loser when I see everyone living their best life. Does that make me a loser though? No sis. Doing this has helped me rewire how I think and stop myself from comparing my situation to everyone else’s. Having a positive mindset is important when doing this. If you notice yourself being a Debbie downer you may have to untwisted some cognitive distortions that’s keeping you from seeing the best in yourself (let me know if you want a blog post about that).
Reset and Reboot
Sometimes I just need to be reminded of just who I really am. I’ve realized I had to reverse a lot of cognitive distortions and untwist my twisted ways of thinking about myself and the world. It’s so easy to believe the negative instead of the good. For years it felt more comfortable to keep myself down because trying to be happy felt impossible or too good to be true. I’ve pretty much set up camp in my negative thoughts and fought off any positive uplifting emotions that never lasted. The only reason I believed moments of contentment wouldn’t last is because I wasn’t willing to put in the work to keep that flame lit. It’s much easier to sit in the rain rather than protect a whole lit candle from the rain. I still have moments where I’d like to give up and just let the rain do its thing. But the rewarding feeling of being able to withstand it is a high I’d much rather chase than going back to the dark world I lived in for so long.
This process may take a long time and you may need to repeat these steps until you learn to maintain a clearer mindset. I know I’ve had too many setbacks to count and it took years for me to finally grasp these concepts and stick with them. I was very sure that I could do all of this on my own but sometimes (depending on the severity of the situation) we need a support system, therapy and medication to help us along. I used to feel very ashamed of how I grew to hate myself and victimized myself to the point where I drove even my closest friends away. A good reality check might I add. If you’re too far gone to realize you are suffering, the people around you definitely will and you’ll find yourself being challenged to change.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk everyone. I intend to have the next #MoodyMonday post discuss depression so if you’re here for it go ahead and comment a thumbs up. Any feedback would be really great so that I can know what you guys would like from me. I wanted to pair this post with a video going into more detail but guess who is feeling depressed right now? This guy. So I will try my best to film for next week’s post. I started with a lighter topic before really getting into the harder topics regarding mental health. Thank you so much for tuning in, see you next week!